I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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