what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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