You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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