this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
