i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
