Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need moral support for this bender
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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