singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
