im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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