At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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