it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
