John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
