I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
