we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
