Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
