i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
