dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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