so explain again why im purple
no
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
