But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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