I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
