Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
