In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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