I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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