just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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