I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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