Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
