Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
