Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
