you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
