I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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