Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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