A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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