I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
