I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
