I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
