My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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