the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
