I wish I could punch you in the face.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize