This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
