despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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