he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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