Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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