Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
