i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
