community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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