OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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