Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
