i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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