Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
