Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
organizing the empties. That sober.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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