I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
