Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
