Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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