You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
