Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
