The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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