Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize