Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
