sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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