I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The Olympian is in my bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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