I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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