I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
