apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
