my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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