i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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