Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
