We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
