a search helicopter?!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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