That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think your dad took our porno
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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