went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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