True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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