who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
