i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
