I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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