Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
