Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
