Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize