I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
