why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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