my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How's work?
Spinning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
