at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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