made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
