Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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