It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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