I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
