Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
