is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
