Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize